Feature
At Home in the 2007 Bentley Arnage T
It's not just a car; it's a lifestyle
"You can always live in your car," goes the adage I've heard my whole life, "but you can't drive your house." It's an aphorism friends shove at you as you're signing up for 72 months of payments on a BMW you can't afford. Or to buck you up while you're opening a home equity line of credit so you can bail your '69 Camaro out of paint jail. But actually live out of the car? Come on, that's absurd.
At least that's what I thought until my wife — er, ex-wife — and I finally settled. She kept the house in Glendale, and I got a check. One of those inflated Southern California real estate checks that makes either a thick down payment on a new condo in Studio City or buys a super-luxury automobile. If I had bought the condo, this wouldn't be a story.
Here's my new home: It's a 2007 Bentley Arnage T. If I actually drive it, there's a twin-turbo-fortified 6.8-liter, OHV V8 under its hood that makes 500 horsepower and 738 pound-feet of peak torque at only 3,200 rpm. Bentley claims that when you use the six-speed automatic transmission to full effect, the T-model will thunder to 60 mph in just 5.2 seconds and gallop along to a top speed of 179 mph. And it weighs 5,700 pounds.
It's the best combination of performance and four-bedroom, three-bath Tudor that I could imagine. Plus, the Bentley dealer had one in stock and it was only $271,000.
That's the most I've ever spent on a car. But the least I've ever spent on a home.
Home sweet leather-lined home
Getting comfortable in the Arnage T is easy. All the things that are made of plastic in an ordinary car like a Mercedes S-Class — the vents, the door pulls, the shifter gate — are made from polished metal in this British brute. Every wood surface is carefully matched and finished with the sort of luster usually only seen in Lemon Pledge commercials. And the diamond-quilted leather seats coddle any royal heinie with royal precision.
Let's not put too fine a point on this: No car's interior is better-appointed, better-looking or even better-smelling than that of the Bentley Arnage T. If you're going to live in a car, this is the car to live in.
There are basically two alternatives for sleeping in the Arnage. The first is reclining either the driver or front passenger seat all the way back. But the resulting surface isn't completely flat and my chiropractor is particularly adamant that I don't inflame my back's existing sublimations.
The other place to sleep is the rear seat, and that's where I've settled in. Lying lengthwise, the seat is nearly flat and I only have to slightly bend my leg to keep from kicking the door panels. Plus, the rear seats are electrically adjustable, which allows me to tune the sleeping surface for my tender back. The optional fold-down tables attached to the back of the front seats are both elegant and a great place for my alarm clock.
My one problem with sleeping is that I will occasionally find the seatbelt anchors sticking into my back. I'm thinking of having them removed.
I've grown particularly fond of the Bentley's ventilation system. If it's cold I'll leave the engine idling all night and use the rear controls to create a perfect snoozing temperature. The engine is so smooth and quiet, its idling never interrupts my slumber, plus the dehumidifier and pollen and dust screens in the ventilation system guarantee that I never wake up sneezing in the middle of the night.
Sure, leaving the engine idling all night might seem wasteful. But at least I'm not heating up a whole 3,000-square-foot house for just one person. So I'm doing my part for the environment.
Morning ritual
After a deep, restful sleep, I wake up in the Bentley to the ring of my alarm clock and the gentle hum of the engine. If it's a nice day, I open the hood and place my mug atop the warm engine. In just a few minutes I have water hot enough to brew tea. I was a coffee drinker before moving into the Arnage, but drinking coffee in a British car just seemed wrong. Earl Grey is my cup of choice now.
After that bracing cup of tea, I shave using the generously sized vanity mirror in the passenger's side visor. Even on mornings when the sun is yet to rise, this lit mirror is a perfect surface for the precision trimming of my beard. For some tough areas, though, I do find myself using the rearview mirror. And I've grown to love the way the aroma of Edge shaving gel mixes with the lustrous smell of the Bentley's leather. It smells like...prosperity.
If it's raining, I'll be showering outdoors. If not, I drive to the YMCA and use the facilities. I am, however, disappointed by the concierge service there.
Meals on wheels
With my trusty Weber kettle grille, there's really little reason for me to have more extensive kitchen facilities. I'm a big fan of Johnsonville Brats and nothing tastes better than their "Hot 'n Spicy" that's been cooked over an open flame next to an idling Bentley. And now that Grey Poupon is available in a squeeze bottle, what other condiments do I need?
The Bentley's elegantly appointed and beautifully carpeted trunk has become my pantry. There's plenty of room in there for a cooler and the trunk itself closes with a reassuring thunk that is as close to being automotive Tupperware as I've ever experienced. Hot dog buns stay fresh for weeks back there.
A civilized life
With Southern California's mild climate, I spend much of my days next to the Bentley reading and enjoying the sunshine. Then, alas, work intrudes.
Again, the optional tables built into the back of the front seats are invaluable. They provide a stable working surface, and let me open my laptop so the screen will be fully visible. When I need Internet connectivity, I've found parking next to public libraries and leaching off their open Wi-Fi networks is a godsend.
As a day ends and I look out over the Pacific Ocean from the public park where I've parked the Arnage, I feel as if this is the life I was meant to live. It's not a conventional life, but as any Bentley owner would tell you, a Bentley is not a conventional car.
At least that's what I thought until my wife — er, ex-wife — and I finally settled. She kept the house in Glendale, and I got a check. One of those inflated Southern California real estate checks that makes either a thick down payment on a new condo in Studio City or buys a super-luxury automobile. If I had bought the condo, this wouldn't be a story.
Here's my new home: It's a 2007 Bentley Arnage T. If I actually drive it, there's a twin-turbo-fortified 6.8-liter, OHV V8 under its hood that makes 500 horsepower and 738 pound-feet of peak torque at only 3,200 rpm. Bentley claims that when you use the six-speed automatic transmission to full effect, the T-model will thunder to 60 mph in just 5.2 seconds and gallop along to a top speed of 179 mph. And it weighs 5,700 pounds.
It's the best combination of performance and four-bedroom, three-bath Tudor that I could imagine. Plus, the Bentley dealer had one in stock and it was only $271,000.
That's the most I've ever spent on a car. But the least I've ever spent on a home.
Home sweet leather-lined home
Getting comfortable in the Arnage T is easy. All the things that are made of plastic in an ordinary car like a Mercedes S-Class — the vents, the door pulls, the shifter gate — are made from polished metal in this British brute. Every wood surface is carefully matched and finished with the sort of luster usually only seen in Lemon Pledge commercials. And the diamond-quilted leather seats coddle any royal heinie with royal precision.
Let's not put too fine a point on this: No car's interior is better-appointed, better-looking or even better-smelling than that of the Bentley Arnage T. If you're going to live in a car, this is the car to live in.
There are basically two alternatives for sleeping in the Arnage. The first is reclining either the driver or front passenger seat all the way back. But the resulting surface isn't completely flat and my chiropractor is particularly adamant that I don't inflame my back's existing sublimations.
The other place to sleep is the rear seat, and that's where I've settled in. Lying lengthwise, the seat is nearly flat and I only have to slightly bend my leg to keep from kicking the door panels. Plus, the rear seats are electrically adjustable, which allows me to tune the sleeping surface for my tender back. The optional fold-down tables attached to the back of the front seats are both elegant and a great place for my alarm clock.
My one problem with sleeping is that I will occasionally find the seatbelt anchors sticking into my back. I'm thinking of having them removed.
I've grown particularly fond of the Bentley's ventilation system. If it's cold I'll leave the engine idling all night and use the rear controls to create a perfect snoozing temperature. The engine is so smooth and quiet, its idling never interrupts my slumber, plus the dehumidifier and pollen and dust screens in the ventilation system guarantee that I never wake up sneezing in the middle of the night.
Sure, leaving the engine idling all night might seem wasteful. But at least I'm not heating up a whole 3,000-square-foot house for just one person. So I'm doing my part for the environment.
Morning ritual
After a deep, restful sleep, I wake up in the Bentley to the ring of my alarm clock and the gentle hum of the engine. If it's a nice day, I open the hood and place my mug atop the warm engine. In just a few minutes I have water hot enough to brew tea. I was a coffee drinker before moving into the Arnage, but drinking coffee in a British car just seemed wrong. Earl Grey is my cup of choice now.
After that bracing cup of tea, I shave using the generously sized vanity mirror in the passenger's side visor. Even on mornings when the sun is yet to rise, this lit mirror is a perfect surface for the precision trimming of my beard. For some tough areas, though, I do find myself using the rearview mirror. And I've grown to love the way the aroma of Edge shaving gel mixes with the lustrous smell of the Bentley's leather. It smells like...prosperity.
If it's raining, I'll be showering outdoors. If not, I drive to the YMCA and use the facilities. I am, however, disappointed by the concierge service there.
Meals on wheels
With my trusty Weber kettle grille, there's really little reason for me to have more extensive kitchen facilities. I'm a big fan of Johnsonville Brats and nothing tastes better than their "Hot 'n Spicy" that's been cooked over an open flame next to an idling Bentley. And now that Grey Poupon is available in a squeeze bottle, what other condiments do I need?
The Bentley's elegantly appointed and beautifully carpeted trunk has become my pantry. There's plenty of room in there for a cooler and the trunk itself closes with a reassuring thunk that is as close to being automotive Tupperware as I've ever experienced. Hot dog buns stay fresh for weeks back there.
A civilized life
With Southern California's mild climate, I spend much of my days next to the Bentley reading and enjoying the sunshine. Then, alas, work intrudes.
Again, the optional tables built into the back of the front seats are invaluable. They provide a stable working surface, and let me open my laptop so the screen will be fully visible. When I need Internet connectivity, I've found parking next to public libraries and leaching off their open Wi-Fi networks is a godsend.
As a day ends and I look out over the Pacific Ocean from the public park where I've parked the Arnage, I feel as if this is the life I was meant to live. It's not a conventional life, but as any Bentley owner would tell you, a Bentley is not a conventional car.
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